enlightenment

You do not start to become who you want to be until you are honest with yourself about who you are right now.

Sometimes you need to be honest with yourself about even the stuff that "sucks" about you. From time to time I feel like I am trying to force myself to be a certain way or to think a certain way, for whatever reason. But in forcing myself, I can never fully assume what it is that I think I should assume. It isn't until I have let go - or rather honestly assessed that I am being stupid or forceful or dishonest with myself - that I am able to truly see what it is that I want to become, that I should become, and how to get there.

i ran across this entry by an old friend of mine and it hit me... i have noticed that i have been complaining and whining a lot lately like a little girl. i haven't been satisfied with anything in my life right now- school, work and personal relationships- and i feel like a zombie. going from day to day, barely making it by in all areas, or not making it in some. i suppose i haven't been honest with myself and who i am, what i am and what i do with my life. sometimes i feel like i am being pulled in all sorts of directions like this dude:it is hard to juggle all these things on my plate, but i feel like i can definitely be better. i am sick of excuses and feeling like a tird, quite frankly. i am sick of not being "all there" in the situations i face daily. i am sick of responding to the question : "how is it going?" by saying "fine." or "what are you up to?" with "same old, same old." its time to be honest with myself and here goes.

i need to quit envisioning what my life will be like in 5 yrs and make it that way now.
i am an intelligent man, who makes unintelligent decisions daily.
i have an amazing wife, who for some reason sticks around.
i have dreams to be a successful and prominent architect. now is the time to put those dreams on the table while they are still accepted in Architecture school.
i am a baby.
i am a freakin riot.
i have amazing style and people would pay thousands for locks like mine.
i am terrible with money and time management...but am trying to be better. honest
i can jam on the guitar
i have mad drawing skills
i make the same mistakes over and over...i am a slow learner
i am stubborn and passively aggressive
i am a "nice guy"

ok. i am starting to feel like a cheesy dove soap commercial. but i am open to any other things that anyone else can contribute about who, how or what i am.